Why I had kids In My Twenties and Why I Dislike Being The Child of Older Parents
If there was only one piece of advice I could give to my kids, I would tell them to not to have kids late in life. As a product of parents who had me very late in age (48 years old) it has not been an easy road and I am so grateful I had my boys in my 20’s.
I do realize that it is not always a choice for some people to have kids early whether it’s infertility, careers, not finding the right person, marriage or other factors. I am just saying that if you have no odds stacked against you in a typical situation, having kids early can be a huge blessing.
Growing up my parents were years older than my friends parents. It was always something that stood out to me. The culture gap was enormous both a kid and as a teenager. I can remember many times not fitting in simply for the sheer fact that my parents were not up to date on the cool things. That’s not to say that materialistic things or certain hair cuts make you cool but let’s face it, it is nice not to be the oddball in your peer group. I also remember my parents being very tired a lot and in some ways a bit of a burden on me when their health started deteriorating.
Now at 37 my parents are elderly, not only physically, but also mentally. I am in my 30’s and my father is 84. He has had 3 strokes, 2 hip replacements, 1 knee replacement and a triple bypass. This has left him weak, fragile and unable to do much of anything. My mom has had to battle leukemia, Lupus, a brain tumor and many other illneses. It’s true, there are times age has nothing to do with what happens to us in our lives but my kids have never known of their grandparents being healthy. All my kids have known is grandma and grandpa cannot sit on the floor to play with them because it hurts. Or, grandpa’s walker is too far away and he cannot get up. My kids have never experienced their grandparents taking them out for an ice cream because they cannot drive. When they go to dinner with us we have to change tables 2 or 3 times because there is too much of a draft, or the restaurant is too loud for them. It’s quite embarrassing going anywhere in public with them. When our kids have a birthday party we have to go get them and then they only want to stay for a little while because it’s too chaotic for them at their age. And let’s not forget about them being grumpy and crotchety. They never smile, are often rude and can’t understand that my kids are just being kids. We are in charge of our own happiness. You can choose to see your glass as half full or half empty. Sadly they choose to see theirs as half empty and it is a lonely way to live. I could go on and on forever but I swill spare you all of my awkward and uncomfortable situations we deal with on a weekly basis.
I remember when I took my oldest son to kindergarten for the first time I saw grandmas and grandpa’s walking their grand kids to and from school every day. While it mad me smile, part of me felt sad inside to know why kids will never have that. I don’t even think they will be around to see them get married either.
It’s a sad situation and when it was my turn to have kids I always knew I wanted to do it at a young age. And I did. I had my 1st at 25 and my second at 29. Now I have a 12-year-old and an 8-year-old and I love every minute of it. My older son’s friends dig me and some of them even add me as instagram friends. I can take them to do fun things like concerts and shows and I have plenty of energy. I also have a larger support system and I find that I can enjoy the little things in life. I can also play sports with them and our vacations are adventurous and exciting. But best of all I know I will be able to be an actively involved grandparent should my children decide to have kids. I have so many ideas and dreams and feel happy knowing I will be young enough to implement them.
While I realize I probably sound bitter it is because I am. But that is OK. This is just my opinion.
“Youth smiles without any reason. It’s one of the Chiefest Charms -Thomas Gray”
I mean this respectfully, but I couldn’t disagree with this more. There are times age has nothing to do with what happens to us in our lives.
I’m 38 and I have battled cancer three times – I was 21 when diagnosed with the third form (a type of leukemia) and given six months to live. Life is 50/50 everyday. It is fleeting and fragile and we can all be affected by circumstances, expected or not. I could introduce you to plenty of people my age who are grumpy and never smile…
I do understand wanting them to be here for your children’s lives, I do. My husband lost both of his parents to ancer. I never had the chance to know them, and they haven’t known his girls as they grow up. Yes, it is sad. But they gave him the gift of life – and that’s what we focus on. Not how old they were when they decided to do it.
None of us have guarantees that tomorrow will come. All we can do is give thanks for the here and now. Grumpy or not, replaced hips or not, many people would give anything for just one more day.
No offense Taken Heather! I am dealing with some serious issues with my parents right now and I am probably extremely bitter so I think a lot of this article is stemming from that. But I absolutely see your point as well!
Thank you for taking it as it was meant. I do worry about tone on the internet sometimes. I sincerely hope things get better. Truly may you have some peace soon.